Women’s Use of Violence

 

Batterer– A person who uses abusive behaviors to control their partner.

Women’s use of violence– a woman who uses violence within their relationship to achieve a different result.

95% of females are abused by males and the remaining 5% occurs in same-sex relationships or is females abusing males.

Here at the shelter we hear women saying that not only did her partner hit her but she as well hit him. While you can get arrested for hitting back this does not necessarily make the female the abuser. There are many reasons a woman will hit their partner in a relationship where she is getting abused. The number one reasons are self-defense or incidences where her partner has cheated or somehow done her wrong. While violence is not condoned by the shelter from either party in a relationship. There is a difference between a batterer (abuser) and women’s use of violence. When a person is a true batterer the person will abuse their partner in a pattern or cycle. The cycle can vary and can be different for different relationships. But generally will begin with a tension building phase, the couple may argue or the abusing party will be more agitated than usual. Then the explosion or incident will happen, this can be actual hitting or just yelling, name calling, or throwing things. Then you will have the apologetic time frame, maybe you’ll get gifts or flowers. Depends on your partner. This usually continues and can happen in cycles each time can be a different type of outburst. Because of this cycle, it makes that person the abuser. As a victim of abuse you may find yourself hitting back each time the explosive phase happens but the question is “would you as the victim of abuse normally hit your partner if they were not abusing you?” 

If you are still not sure if you are the abuser here are some questions to ask yourself:

Do you ever wait feeling worried when you hear your partner coming home, wondering what mood they’ll be in?

Does your partner strike you for no reason at all that you know of?

Do you ever fear that you will be asked to have sex with your partner after they have physically abused you?

If you decide to separate from your partner, are you afraid that they will break into your house and physically harm you? Or try to kill you?

Do you fear that your partner’s actions are a sign that you will be hit?

Are you afraid of your partner?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are the one being abused. Knowing this ask yourself if your partner can answer yes to the above questions. (instead of “Do you”, ask does my partner (he or she) feel these things?)

 

A women’s use of violence usually differs from a man’s because there is an imbalance of power. In addition to a man’s physical size, his violence is often accompanied by other battering behavior, which increases his power. He may threaten to kill his partner. He may kill a pet or display weapons in a threatening manner.

 

*Here are some types of physical violence a woman may use as self defense during a physical fight with her partner:

Biting

Scratching

Pinching

Hitting with an object not normally used as a weapon (the old fashioned frying pan, ect.)

In some cases Punching or kicking

Pushing their partner away and actually making them fall and get injured (accidentally)

While this is against the law, a woman may kill their partner trying to save themselves

 

Again DoVES does not condone violence by any party and want to make it clear that the female can get arrested for using physical violence even if it is self defense. Because who gets arrested is the up to the officer that comes to the scene.