DoVES, INC.

DoVES, INC.

E-mail: doves@dovesatchisonks.org

 

 

 

Dynamics of Domestic Violence

www.atchicin.org

What is Domestic Violence?

* Domestic Violence is a pattern of behaviors.

* Domestic Violence is systematic.

* Domestic Violence is used by an intimate partner to punish, abuse and control the thoughts, beliefs and actions of the other partner.

* Domestic Violence is one partner controlling the other.

* Domestic Violence is one partner’s need to have the power in a relationship.

* The effectiveness of an individual’s use of domestic violence is gauged by what acts of violence they are able to get by with in the community in which they live.

* Domestic Violence consists of the behaviors of one partner that are intended to slowly and unknowingly eat away at the other partner’s self esteem.

* Domestic Violence may consist of physical violence or it may never be used at all.

* Domestic Violence can be any physical, emotional, verbal, psychological or sexual behavior that used by one partner to control the other.

                

Sexual violence is any activity you are forced to participate in. The person does not have to physical force you for it to be sexual violence, if you are overcome by fear that can be considered force as well. Sexual violence can be an “extension of domestic violence” (Johnson & Sigler, 1997). Sometimes this can be done through what the batter will consider “make up time” for the domestic violence—even if they are forcing their partner into this ‘make up sex’ (Berger, 1996). Sexual violence within relationships is fairly common. In various studies done by Finkelhor & Yllo (1985) and Russell (1990) it was found that 10-14 % of married women experience the legal definition of rape in their marriage. However, public education on sexual violence within relationships is slow. This is due to rape myths, as well as the fact that it wasn’t until July 5, 1993 that the law stated forcing your wife to have sex was rape.

If you want detailed information on states and rape laws, please see http://ncmdr.org . Relationship rape is a traumatic event that deserves to be treated as such. With relationship rape there is also the added element of children and/or pregnancy, sometimes. Campbell & Alford (1989) found that 20% of women who were raped in a relationship experienced miscarriage or still birth. Mahoney & Williams (1998) found that 18 % of women who were raped by their husbands had children who witnessed the rape. If you have any questions about sexual violence within relationships, please contact us.

 

If you are currently in or have left an abusive relationship, your safety and the safety of your children is important. It is helpful to make a plan that outlines what to do surrounding an explosive incident. It may be difficult to plan when in crisis, so taking sometime to map out what to do ahead of time may help you to remember what things you can do to maximize your safety. Here are some examples of times and places where a safety plan may be helpful:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Important things to keep in mind:

Try to stay in an area that has an exit. Avoid kitchens and bathrooms or other rooms that may have weapons, harder surfaces or other harmful things. Also, try to stay near a phone if possible. Mapping out possible ways of escaping and places you can go for help ahead of time is a good idea.  Above all else, trust your instincts. If you do not think it is safe to leave, then do whatever is necessary to protect yourself /your children. Paying attention to your instincts is important when planning out ways of increasing your safety before an after an explosive incident as well. You can develop a code word for children/family/friends to know when things are escalating so that they can leave the room/area ahead of time or to go get help. If you have made the decision to leave the relationship, start collecting important items such as keys, medications/glasses or other health information, birth certificates, marriage and driver’s licenses, social security cards, account information and other important documents, and personal items such as photos so that if you have to leave in a hurry, they are all in one place and can be quickly taken with you.

 

 

For more information and things to include while safety planning, please go to the following KCSDV link:

http://kcsdv.org/plan.html

 

 

Safety Planning

Sexual Violence in a Domestic Violence Setting